Srsly? Who doesn't know what this is from??
As many of you know, music is very important to me and it was a HUGE! part of my life with Kane. I always called him my angel of music *SIDENOTE: if you've got some time on your hands, see my post "My Angel of Music" from September 2011* For those of you who are wayy too busy, here is the cliffnotes version:
- The Phantom of the Opera was very important in our lives
- We always had some type of music playing
- He introduced me to so many wonderful types of music
- He sends me songs just so I know that, yea, he's still watching out for me
- Songs trigger my memories. Good or bad. It is what it is.
I dubbed it, "my tune'age with bling". I took it everywhere. And it was AWESOME! Until iPod Touch came out. Kane wanted one so bad. It was all he talked about. "Babies!, look it can do this." "Babies!, you can put 16 gig of music on it!" "Babies! can I get one?" *Sigh* another 'Must Have' we'll spend a shit ton of money on only to be used rarely - if ever - and when you actually do go to use it, it will either be lost, broken, and/or left in a hot car to warp beyond recognition. My favorite about new technology? A month after you buy it, something 20 times better comes out and its like 1/2 the price.
Enter Christmas 2007. I had to deal with hearing about how fucking awesome the 'iTouch' was for months. I got emails about where to buy them, reviews, specs ... the works. But it was actually a good thing because I knew exactly what to get Kane for Christmas. *Yay!* Next hurdle, keep it from him until Christmas Day. *Boo!*
I'm infamous for buying gifts months before they are actually to be given. When I see something I know would make an awesome gift, I buy it, then wrap it, then hide it until the time comes to give it. Sometimes I give gifts early cuz I can't contain myself knowing the other person will be so excited and happy and that makes me happy. This time was not the case. the 'iTouch' was purchased 2 weeks before Christmas, wrapped immediately and hidden in the Christmas tree. Big mistake!
Our kitty cat, Shithead. Yes, that was his name, Shithead. He had an easy-release, blue collar and tag with his name, "SHITHEAD", on it and a phone number in case he got out, oh and a little bell (so you could hear that little fucker coming), *No sneak attacks in our house!* And he lived up to his name ... any.chance.he.had! Newayz, he loved the Christmas tree! That year alone we lost a ton of glass ornaments, a bunch of light bulbs, *how he got those without causing major damage to the tree (or himself) remains a mystery*, and yards of wrapping paper with matching bows. Did I mention if he got a light bulb out, he'd bat them around the house and when he was bored, he would bring them to the puppy so she could play with *READ: EAT!!* them? *smdh* I got used to having a tree only 2/3 decorated, but that year he also almost took out the entire 12 ft., pre-lit Christmas tree.
Shithead
Late one night, I remember hearing desperate kitty cries yet no bell going 'dingy dingy', where the fuck is the cat? I called his name and the only reply was his little "help me!" meow. Still couldn't see him, but the moving branches half way up the tree was a dead give away of where he was. 'Honey!!! Shithead's stuck in the tree again!!' So at 2 AM, wearing nothing but a pair of chones, Kane grabbed the ladder from the garage, climbed as high as he could go, and rescued our little Shithead.What was he doing in the tree you ask? Why, he was playing with the ribbons and bows from the above mentioned 'iTouch' which was strategically placed as not to be seen, and carefully double wrapped with extra tape *so it would be impossible for Kane to unwrap, peek at what it was, then carefully re-wrap it*. The beautiful wrapping - now completely shredded - lay 2 feet below where Shithead was rescued, bows everywhere, ribbon dripping wet with cat slobber, package exposed to the world... Yea, Kane got his present early that year. And mystery solved as to who was unwrapping all the presents. I always assumed it was Kane; "See, I told you it was the cat!" was all he said.
When Kane passed away that 'iTouch' became my only comfort, my metal and plastic woobie. I'd drive around for hours, crying, yelling, laughing, I mean it was him, through and through. It had his songs on it, his pictures, the apps he had downloaded, and amazingly it was still functioning! Every time I played it, I could feel him near, almost next to me, singing along, holding my hand like he always did when we drove, commenting on the song, or telling me a story of what that song meant to him, It was the last thing of his I could still "touch".
After years of enjoyment, memories, and tears, in 2014 the 'iTouch' decided to - as I like to say - eat shit and die. It was a sad day. Alone in a new town, my woobie was no longer, I could never again ask Kane to send me a song, hit shuffle and have it comfort to me through my car speakers. Fuck! Maybe this was a sign from the infinite universe to let go. Message received loud and clear. 10-4.
After stewing over my 'loss' I decided I needed another tune'age mechanism. But this one would be mine, to do with as I pleased, to put whatever songs I wanted on there. Being cheap, and opting to embrace making it my own, I bought a smaller version of the 'iTouch'. One I affectionately refer to as 'FrankenPod' (That is a Widowed Hottie original, BTW. I coined it! It's mine!). *SIDENOTE: I call it FrankenPod because it really is a montage of just awesome music. It can go from metal, to oldies, to honky-tonk, to techno in the span of 10 minutes. And it always seem to know what mood I'm in, or what mood I should be in. It.is.epic!* I can put hours and hours worth of my music on it, *isn't new technology amazing?!?!* add my own podcasts and pictures, it's all mine. And, yea. I do have some of Kane's songs on there, too. I like good music, and his taste was exceptional!
In my ongoing quest to find my someone-just-for-me, I vowed that any music haters would mean an instant disqualification. That man would have to have a passion for music equal to mine. My someone-just-for-me didn't have to like every single song I did, but at least be open to it. He'd have to enjoy at least, say, 60% of the randomness FrankenPod can throw at you, and *BONUS!* if he knows the song/artist/sings along to it, he's a keeper.
Early in our relationship, my real life G.I. Joe and I were driving one night. I wasn't ready to introduce him to FrankenPod just yet, so the radio had to suffice. After A.D.D/squirrel/Oh! Shiney! settled down and I actually found a station I wanted to listen to, a song came on that reminded me of happy times in my past. I refrained from rocking out because I was sure he was going to play radio commando and switch stations, but to my surprise, he started singing and car dancing a la Saturday Night Fever. I blurted out 'Oh My God, you disco? I L ...' but stopped myself midway, completely shocked (but elated) at this new revelation about my real life G.I. Joe. Of course, holding my tongue as to not say the 'L - - - ' word this soon in the relationship. Plus, I hadn't consumed mass - or any - quantities of alcohol that night. *hence, nothing to blame my lack of an inner monologue on*. He just looked over at me, smiled, and finished my sentence "love you?" Quick on my feet, I said calm and collected, 'no, I love this song'. I turned up the radio, and proceed to our destination. He just smiled his shit-eating grin, said "yea, right. I knew what you were REALLY going to say", and continued to impersonate Travolta until the song was over. Shit! and per my vow above, he's a keeper ...
As our relationship progressed, I learned the kinds of music he was into. Classic country & honky-tonk *Johnny Cash & Hank Williams, boss!*, old-school rap *NWA & Cypress Hill, in the house!* electronica *Daft Punk & Crystal Method! Where are my glow sticks??*, rockabilly *The Stray Cats & The Reverend Horton Heat, right-o, daddy-o!* metal *Green Jelly & Megadeath, shred it!!* psychobilly *The Koffin Kats & The Quakes, killer!* and punk and ska.
Really? I was excited about the last ones. I grew up on Bad Religion, Rancid, Social Distortion, Pennywise, Blink 182, 311 and L7. You know the main stream "punk" bands, the ones they actually showed videos for on MTV *anyone else remember when MTV actually played music videos?* As well as the not-so-mainstream bands like The Queers *yummy, yummy punk rock girls ... cha cha cha!* Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, The Eyeliners, and The Descendents - to name a few. And let's not forget ska ... Goldfinger, No Doubt *yes, the started out as a ska band*, The Mighty Might Bosstones, They Might Be Giants (just threw that in there for good measure, ha!). My favorite Sunday night activity was listening to the SkaPunk show the local college radio station put on. *Three, 311's at 11* Ah, good times!
But he was more into what I like to call "real' punk & ska. You know, the ones rejected by mainstream, but still maintained a following of dedicated fans. Basically the music I hadn't been exposed to. He'd play the songs from these unknown-to-me bands and I was like, huh? Being used to my music, listening because I knew all the words, it evoked memories, and proud of the hard to find tracks I acquired, this "new stuff" was a bit much. It was outside my blanket fort and was disrupting my coloring!
In an effort to school me & convert me, my real life G.I. Joe made me a mixed CD of 24 punk & ska songs that I had never heard, and made me listen to it. *Trial by fire here!* I resisted at first, and certainly made my grievances known. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy new-to-me music, it just wasn't my norm. I get in the car, I hear my music and I sing and car dance. That's how I roll. Not anymore.
That punk & ska CD eventually became the only thing I would listen to. FrankenPod hit the back burner. Finally, I could sing & car dance along with my real life G.I. Joe, and I was being introduced to something new. Sorry, blanket fort, keep the crayons sharp for me,
In December, my real life G.I. Joe took me to my first big punk show. Pennywise!! I was so excited to see them live after listening to them since I was in high school. Ok, Ok, so I only really listened to one of their songs ... Bro Hymn, but I love that song and it brought back happy memories for me. *don't judge* My first big punk show - despite the large crowds (me no likey!) and the human barbie doll throwing an open water bottle at me - it was a blast! And, yea, they played my song!
Pennywise
The next adventure with my real life G.I. Joe? Getting to see L7 in Hollywood. Again, listened to them since High School. And yes, I knew more then one song thankyouverymuch! The girls rocked it! And I had a fucking blast!
Duh!
The biggest, bestest adventure my real life G.I. Joe took me to thus far? Punk Rock Bowling! I got to bowl and then hang out at a 3 day music festival. All punk, all the time. A tad out of my element (& comfort zone), and the first time I had been to Las Vegas since Kane died, it stirred up some buried emotions. I dealt the best I could, my real life G.I. Joe was great support, and it was a very healing experience for me. *More on that in a later blog post soon. Probably. Eventually.*
PRB (Punk Rock Bowling), Bitches!
However, my most proudest moment, my breakthrough to short comings, my curing of anxieties, personally, the best part of the whole PRB experience ... getting to see Tartar Control live! Old pro now at shows, right? So what's the big deal? Merely going to shows was block #1 dissolved, but this show was special. There I was, front row, could touch the stage, untie the lead singer's shoes if I wanted to, smushed between two, big-scary, punker guys - one of which I sweetly asked to move over a bit so I could get in (and he did!) - surrounded by moshers, an entire crowd of people I didn't know boxing me in, my real life G.I. Joe nowhere in sight ... and I stood there and rocked out the entire set. It.Was.Fucking.AWESOME!! Sorry, blanket fort & crayons, it looks like I won't be needing you anytime soon.
Robert from Tartar Control
*shameless plug* Tartar Control on the web
Sean from Tartar Control
Some of the greatest feelings: past chains that bound me = broken!, fear of unknown people, places and things = no mas!, living my life to the fullest and loving it = all Kane ever wanted me to do. He would be so proud!
*SIDENOTE: FrankenPod has been updated accordingly per this new awesomeness I have been introduced to, and it looks like I have a new angel of music in my life, and yea, this one's a keeper.*
