The Zen of Being Zen When You're Zen - Part II

Quan Yin - Bodhisattva/goddess of mercy

Let's do a little math here (I promise it'll be super easy): "a messy kitchen" + "laundry" x "a shit ton of things I need to do" = "let's spend the next few hours blogging!" - "doing things I need to do!" x "*W0ot!*" See, told ya it was easy.

Now, where did we leave off ... Oh, yes! CD release party, flyer slinging jackwagon, and WTF? kinda day *best paired with Retsina!*! Shall, we continue??

So the next week was uneventful. I did my normal routine, still living the dream, home sick - not so much, bored on the weekends, etc. etc. but Food Network and my lack of a microwave (actually cooking my meals, not nuke'ing them) kept me occupied. I had just sat down to a homemade french dip sammich & au jus *ummmmm, one of my favorites!*,  with the anticipation of brownies in my near future *brownie junkie up in here!! oh, and ... Corners, bitches!!*, and a new episode of Chopped starting *SIDENOTE: sometimes when I cook, I pretend I'm on a episode of Chopped. I always win, and my fridge/pantry gets cleaned out. Amazing what nomalicious things you can make when you apply a little creativity! Now, where the fuck is my $10,000?!?!?* I hear my phone ding. WTH? Pfft!, it can wait! I'm busy! I finish dinner, the episode of Chopped, and a rerun of MST3000 *Tom Servo!!*, not quite ready for a brownie *READ: to devour the entire pan*... oh yea, let's investigate why my phone dinged. A friend request? Name and picture not ringing any bells, I say out loud "who the fuck is this jackwagon?!?!" A bit more investigation. Oh, he''s friends with my new rockabilly peeps, that must be how he found me? So now the question becomes should I accept, or ignore? Normally, I would click ignore without a second thought. I don't need random jackwagons all up in my Kool-aid and I certainly do not need another FB stocker! As I was about to click ignore, that little voice in my head (yea, still there apparently from the previous weeks) said: "you asked for good friends here. It's ok. Click Accept". A wave of memories washed over me, the creepers, the stalkers, the 'friend' which you had no idea how/why they were on you FB list *can you say FB purge?* that liked and/or comment on ANYTHING you posted ... Yea, I clicked Accept.

Not 2 minutes after clicking accept, my phone started blowing up. "Have you been to any shows at this bar? How about this bar? There's gonna be a show tomorrow nite. You should go. Are you coming to my show next month?" OMG! I remember this guy ... its flyer slinging jackwagon!!! *sigh* Damage is already done, it would be rude to unfriend him now, he might tell other people that I'm a complete bitch and there goes my chances of making friends. Hoping I'll appease him by answering his questions and showing my cordial side, I responded: "no. never heard of it. I don't want to go to that show. no, its a Sunday night." Wrong.Answer.Bob.! The invites to shows continued, invite your friends he said *I only knew like 3 people here* then I was told his attendance was dependent on my attendance. Srsly? Is he flirting with me? Laying on the charm? Sweet talking me? Oh, Hell to the No! Finally healed from "toxic-relationships-since-my-husband-died" #3, jumping into a #4 was not on my to-do list. And no amount of charm and sweet-talking was gonna make me cave. I bid him goodnight and set my phone to silent.

'Being Zen' #4: Uplifting & positive attention can come in many forms. Don't be put off by a form that isn't what you wanted or expected 

Pairs nicely with: Merlot. Bold, strong, spicy and in your face! Ain't no silent mode on this bitch!

The "come to the show" messages continued. Regularly. *READ: All the fucking time!* Which turned into demands of "you will be at the show" *uh, no.* invites to group outings, and small talk. Still not knowing what this guy's game was, I could clearly see there was more to it than just promoting and small talk. It got quite flirty: "you like talking to me, huh?" "you're not alone, you have me", "you can be my sidekick at the show and not leave my side". It got the the point where I would get butterflies in my tummy every time I heard my phone ding ... NO! NO! NO! Stop it, girl! Not going there again! Heart closed! And then he got my phone number ...

Still riding the "NO! NO! NO!" train *toot toot*, I needed to come up with a strategy, and fast. How can I shake this guy? My passive-agressiveness turned into a matching of wits *I won, BTW*, my smart-assyness was apparently a turn on *sigh*,  and the outright NO's were ignored. He's good. Real good. SHIT! 

I played out in my mind over and over how I was going to firmly but sweetly tell this guy to well, pound sand. I really didn't want to go to the Sunday night show *Yea, he continued to bug me about that, too*, I knew from past experiences if the flirty-ness continued I would fall hard & fast and end up getting crushed and I refused to do that again. Its not polite to ignore texts or messages *I'm not like that anyway*, and I knew if I did, he'd find another way to reach out to me. Alas, ignoring would be futile. Driving home one afternoon, the phone dinging the whole drive *You know who. sheesh!* I was ready to 'C'est la vie' and cut the ties. I pulled into the parking lot and as I was grabbing my phone to do the 'deed' if-you-will, I heard a strong, clear voice (yes, that little voice in my head was at it again) say: "Don't write this one off just yet". Wait? What? Where did that come from? Where was the reassuring voice that 'yea, pound sand' was the way to go. Team Pound Sand!' anyone? anyone? *Crickets chirping* As I unlocked my phone and read the message from him, I almost lost my shit. Turns out he had experienced a tragic loss in his recent past very similar to mine. OMG! He knows what its like! Has been through things that I have! Dealt the same hand in life, trying our best to make the most of it. I felt in my heart of hearts that there was no way that I could tell him to pound sand now. Maybe I shouldn't write this one off just yet. I decided to take the red pill. Let's see how deep this rabbit hole goes. 

'Being Zen' #5: Red pill. Always take the red pill.  

Pairs nicely with: Pinot Grigio. Refreshing, yet dry but at the same time slightly sweet. Faint afternotes of honey. I like honey. *SAVE THE BEES!!!*

Well, it looks like I missed the last departure of the NO! NO! NO! train. Now what? I figured I should research this guy a bit more. Who was he, what's his story, and why was I intrigued? As everyone knows, the best way to 'research' someone is ...  FB stalk them! *I have no shame* Ok, he likes some of the same music I do, good, Oh! He likes The Fifth Element! *Multi-pass!*, SCORE! Wow, popular guy, I thought there was a 1k limit on friends? guess not. Ah here we go, pictures. Bands, concerts, bowling, more concerts, friends, group shots. Wait? Is that? Is he? No. No way. Yes! OMG! Yes! He is!! A man in uniform!

My Kryptonite. Shit! Now, most of my close peeps know of my deep seeded infatuation *READ: Borderline obsession* with a man in uniform. I sent care packages to soldiers, always showed my appreciation for their sacrifice and service to our country, thanked a uniformed person if I saw them, etc. But the one thing I always wanted was a man in uniform. My very own real life, G.I. Joe. I distinctly remember telling friends that one reason why I was moving so far away was because I knew my man in uniform was there, waiting for me. Yea, they thought I was bat-shit crazy, I mean 5 years after Kane and nothing. But I had hope, I knew it would happen. How I knew, I don't know. But I knew. Could it be? Was it him? And that's when my "NO! NO! NO!" train left the station, never to return. Shit!  

With this new information I had, I seriously needed to play it cool.  Didn't want to scare him off. We continued our chats, small talk, it was status quo. Until one night. The talk. "I'm not looking for anything serious right now. Just someone to hang out with". I knew it! I should have taken the blue pill! Why in the fuck did I take the red one?? Edit>undo, Ctrl+Z, cancel, clear, delete! Reboot, Reboot!!! 'NO! NO! NO!' train, please come back!!!!

Actually, for some reason I was totally cool with it, and grateful for this honesty so soon in the game. I responded. "Good, me too." 

WTF? That wasn't like me? As much as I displayed that I didn't want a boyfriend, deep inside I really did, a good man -no more goobers- but a boyfriend none the less. And here I'm being told that basically a snowball had a better chance in hell than I did having a real life, G.I. Joe? And I was ok with that? A calm, no 2nd thoughts, ok with it. That's unpossible! 

Yep, you guessed it, that little voice in my head again, said "See where this goes". I'm a true believer in a higher power, it physically saved me from going through the windshield when the car I was a passenger in was violently rear-eneded *my high school days*, but seriously? All these messages in a row? No windshields to potentially go through here, I should probably listen.

It all started with a text message invite to a show down south. Son of a bitch! I can't go, I'm on-call. Could I do dinner then? Yes, yes I could. Sushi? *Squeel! He likes sushi!* Absafuckinglutely! Pick me up at 7? Sure. Your windows are broke, but you can have the top down? *OMG! He drives a convertible like Kane had* See ya at 7. So there we were waiting for our sushi, I'm being cool and collected, he's nervous -I can soo tell- having a nice time when the on-call phone starts going ape-shit. Damn it! I don't think I have ever crammed down sushi that fast. Fuck me, I have to go in and I don't have my car. You can take me? Sure, yea ok but it may be a while. You'll wait? Deal! 

The shit hitting the fan took a lot longer then I expected so I went out side and asked him to bring me back to my car. I bid him adieu and went back to work. Mind you I was all decked out in my pin-up attire, working. Crisis everted, err I should say 'me saving the world' completed, I noticed I had a 'meet for coffee?' message. Aww, how sweet he wasn't pissed. Sure. So at 12 am on Sunday morning we had coffee. Actually, I had coffee and he had something non-coffee but newayz. I can't remember what all we talked about but I do remember laughing my ass off. We agreed on breakfast later that day and I head home with a "see ya soon, toots" ringing in my head. 'He's a pretty swell guy' I thought.

Later at breakfast we had an interesting debate of Ketchup vs. Catsup, laughed some more, and agreed an 80's movie night was in order. I didn't realize that meant the same night, but when I got the text "I'll bring ice cream" I was like sure. Strawberry, please. Forgetting to ask if he could bring cones *I HATE eating ice cream from a bowl!* I thought 'if he brings cones, he's a keeper'. He shows up at my door with no-strawberries-were-harmed-in-the-making-of-said-ice-cream strawberry ice cream *my FAVORITE!!* and, yep, cones. *le happy sigh* Shit! He brought cones! What am I going to do now? And as they say, it was all down hill from there ...

'Being Zen' #6: Happiness is having a no-strawberries-were-harmed-in-the-making-of-said-ice-cream Strawberry ice cream cone with someone who's captured your heart. Oh, and watching Breakfast Club. That's happiness, too. 

Pairs nicely with: Sangria. Ok, ok. I realize its not a type of wine per se, but the base is wine. And the wine plays so happily with the fruit, and sugar, and other yummy things in it. That must be where the real strawberries go if its not in the ice cream! Sangria is all about sweet & happy. Find your sweet & happy, and toast to it! Cheers!

Over the next few weeks, we were inseparable. Except for work, we were always together. Enjoying each other's company, laughing, I had someone to cook for *meals for 1 is not so bueno* I was getting to explore my new town and surrounding areas. I was not only living life, I was loving it!

We never talked about making it "official". We both didn't like labels and I sure as hell didn't want the negative shit that comes with having a "boyfriend". What we had was great! Plus, he told me weeks before he didn't want anything serious, and I wasn't going to push it. Yet, the way he would talk to me, the way he would act, said something entirely different. Example: messages of "you miss me, I can feel it", or "you should update your photo to one with us" and the kicker? He wrote me a song!! He always seemed to be "in the area", or heading back to my place after an evening out. I was even getting it from outside. My parents invited us to Christmas. I was like 'MOM! We're just friends... but I'll ask him'. Yea, I didn't seem to mind having a shadow; in fact I kinda *READ: Really* liked it.

One night we were enjoying a movie and Chinese take-out when I opened my statement cookie *what I call them cuz they very rarely have "fortunes"* and got warm fuzzies reading it. "you will soon be bestowed with a great honor". When I read it out loud, he smiled and said "yes, you are." *Confused* WTF did he mean? Later that evening he handed me his phone. There on the home screen was a picture of us. Another one of us in the lock screen. How sweet! I'm not even his girlfriend and he already set pics of us on his phone.

The next morning, I get a text from him about the whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing. I, again, played it cool. Mentioned something about labels, but casually threw in something about I probably wouldn't say no if I was asked. Not 2 minutes later, it was FB official. We were in a relationship together. I had a boyfriend. Fuck me! I had a BOYFRIEND!! A real life, G.I. Joe boyfriend! What an honor!

I remember texting my parents to let them know incase they happened upon my status change. "Uh, I kinda have a boyfriend" was all the message said. Mom responds "I knew it! Congratulations!" My daddy, "Kinda, huh? How do you 'kinda' have a boyfriend?" He's a smart ass. That's where I get it.

Two weeks later, we go to a show. The same band that was pivotal to where we are today. In fact, our friend in the band mentioned how nice it was to see us together, and that he'd like to think he had something to do with it. *Totally did! :)* After I had a few beers *Yay! Cheap dates, unite!* we headed back to my place. During the 30 minute drive, the booze kicked in *AKA, my truth serum* and I may or may not have *READ: I totally did!* professed my love to him. As soon as "I think I might be in love with you" came out of my mouth, I gasped. Was that my outside voice? Why did I say that? Fuck me! Here we go. Rejection in 3... 2... 1... complete mental freak out. He looked calmly over at me and said: "You do. I've known that since before you were born" My heart melted. And ah, wait, it was my outside voice, not in my head. Shit! The booze, I'm totally blaming it on the booze. Wait, 'since before I was born'? What did he mean? Before I could get clarification on that, the mocking started: 'you love me. I knew it. You love me' ... *rollseyes* I turn up the music and pretend nothing happened.

That next day was awkward, but nothing was brought up. The booze, yep the booze, I didn't know what I was saying. Yea. that's it. See, already written off as a slip of the tongue during a drunken stooper. Dodged that bullet. Whew!

However, a few days later, after some more taunting about it *apparently it wasn't forgotten*, and my completely confident, matter of fact, annoyed by the taunting, response of "well, would that be such a bad thing if I did?" I get a FB notification. He posted on my wall. It read, "Hi. I love you"

'Being Zen' #7: It may take a year, or even just a day, but if its meant to be, your real life, G.I. Joe will always find his way [to you].  

Pairs nicely with: Veuve clicquot yellow. Cuz its bubbles, real bubbles, Veuve is my favorite maker of bubbles, and you drink bubbles to celebrate. Celebrating that I am truly.finally.happy, and loved. Need I say more? 

Of course a lot happened between 'Being Zen' #6 & #7, as well as after #7 but this is the Cliff's Notes version here people. I'm gonna save those stories for another day. Oh, and yea, I did end up going to that Sunday night show ...