Unemployed & Completely Buggin'

Today, like every other day, I start out with my usual routine: Wake up from a crappy night's sleep, check my email, make coffee, drink said coffee on the balcony while having a smoke, tell Tinkerbelle (my English Bulldog) 17 times "For Pete's Sakes, Tink! Give mommy one minute! Scratching at the door will not make me feed you any faster.", feed Tink, take her downstairs to do her business, fantasize about having a yard again, curse my late husband for leaving me with nothing - including a yard, tear up thinking about all the stress in my life, scold Tink to "stop eating shit off the ground!" and to "just poop, its not social hour!", go back inside, continue the job search, get discouraged about the lack of jobs I'm qualified for, fantasize about having a job, start sobbing because I don't have a job, dick around on Facebook, Widow chat, or Gmail for the rest of the day.

That's been my life since May. Almost 3 months of this shit is getting old. I'm a smart, beautiful, talented, hard working, loyal, under & over qualified at the same time, graduate degree holding, 30 year old, loser. Not a day goes by that I don't question why I'm still here on earth. What purpose do I serve being here, doing see previous paragraph every day, freaking out about my credit card bill cuz I have been living off it, trying to decide if I want my last $60 to go towards Tink's food, or my medicine? Is it a lesson I'm not learning? Is my life's purpose to actually live out of my car? Fat chance, its like 200+ degrees here in hell, err I mean Phoenix. Or not eat for a few days? I mean Ghandi went on a hunger strike, but that was intentional and for a purpose. I have neither the intension of not eating nor a purpose for doing so.

I guess at this point, I just give up. The universe is very well aware of my wishes, and needs. Getting angry about it doesn't solve anything. Praying about it doesn't solve anything, Crying about it doesn't solve anything. Those are pretty much all I can do at this point, and if they don't help, why waste the energy?

Anyone got a crystal ball I can borrow?