Every once in a while I throw my analysis to the wind, and - against my better judgment - take a chance. In most cases, this occurs when it comes to matters of the heart. Regardless of whether my analysis was positive or negative (usually not so much on the positive side), I open my heart, give my all, and pray a slash doesn't come between my 'less than' and my 'three'.
I've never liked being on my own. I mean I get by (I can do small stuff around the house, I can feed myself, and take care of things when they come up) but I'm always so much better when I have someone that completes me (and can do the "man" stuff around the house). When I married Kane I was so happy that I would never have to worry about being on my own again. We'd live happily ever after, and if we didn't die at the same time, (which I was certain we would), I would go first. Pfft! Oh, the day dreams of a 23 year old! Seriously, though? Who goes into a marriage (or any relationship for that matter) thinking about your significant other's untimely demise? Especially in your 20's!
While we were married we discussed death often. A good friend of ours died suddenly so it was hard to avoid the subject. Its nothing one wants to discuss, yet important to do so. Knowing each persons wants and expectations of final arrangements is no different than knowing wants and expectations in other areas of life. Just like taxes, death is inevitable. Kane wanted to be cremated and a party thrown in his honor. And that's exactly what I did.
2 years, 11 weeks, and 6 days ago I was thrown in to, kicking and screaming, against my will, in utter denial, no mercy here people!, exactly that position. I was 27 and no longer a wife. I instantly had 2 new titles: widow ... and single.
In my (what seems like) perpetual quest over the last 2+ years to find love again, I have been the victim of many a loser and douche bag. Or have I? Let's change the perception here a bit. Maybe these men did me a favor. With each heart ache, my heart healed and grew bigger. With each whisper of 'I Love You', I was lovable again. With each happy moment, I was capable of happiness. And with each loss, something better replaced it. All the while preparing me (mind, body, and soul) for the next great love of my life.
The universe works in mysterious ways ... bound by a set of laws both scientific and spiritual. Most of us are familiar with scientific laws: Newton's Inertia, Einstein's Relativity, Hubble's Cosmic Expansion, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle (you know, complicated mathematical equations including not only numbers, but letters and symbols I can't find on a keyboard, taking years to solve, only to prove something I didn't know needed proving).
And some of us are familiar with Universal laws: Law of Attraction, Law of Karma, Law of Intention (you know, easy to comprehend, non-mathematical, spiritually based concepts which are easily explained using the options available on a keyboard, yet such a BITCH! to put into practice).
I don't claim to understand the universe. I mean I dropped out of Physics 101. In my defence, the teacher was impossible to understand, difficult to hear, and he insisted on talking to the black board rather than the class! And, yea, sometimes I get a headache watching the Science Channel. But I have seen these laws in action. Working harmoniously together, not against each other, to make up my world, your world, our world.
With that said: I will keep moving forward, at the speed of light, to expand my horizons, in these uncertain times, thinking only of what I want, making good choices in the process, because I have desire to escape The Widowed Hottie's 1st Law of Widowhood.
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