The Widowed Hottie's 2nd Law of Widowhood: Trolls Exist!

The Widowed Hottie defines trolls as "shitty people who suck big time". I'm sure everyone out there can agree. Which leads me to the 2nd Law of Widowhood: Trolls Exist! From people you just met to people you've known for years, your chances of running into these trolls exponentially increases when you become a widow.

                                

Good lord, have I met my share of trolls! There's more out there then you think, and yea, they exist. They live under bridges made from the wood of the cutting down of your happy little trees. You may run across several varieties of trolls, at different points in your widowhood journey. They have always been there, yet your perception of them is more clear now. They come out from under their bridges like mad fools. Their prey of choice? Widows.

Below are descriptions of some of the varieties of trolls:

Work Trolls. This species of troll wants to be your buddy. You know, invites you to happy hour after work, lunch meetings where talking shop is required so they can get the latest and greatest gossip, and they seem to be following your every move (like into the bathroom? CREEPY!). These trolls want nothing more than to gain your trust so they can then stab you in the back, humiliate you, or the worst, get you fired. Watch your tongue, feelings, and emotions around this breed of troll. A visit to your HR department may be in order to keep this variety at bay.

Camelion Trolls: This variety is most likely the closest to you. They can be friends, family, people you seek for advice, etc. They seem like normal people, you may actually enjoy being around them, they show sympathy, and/or help you along your journey. Unfortunately, these are the hardest to spot of the troll species. Usually something small and un-noticed to you, triggers their true nature to come out, and when it does you don't think anything of it because you have known them for so long; its just so-and-so being so-and-so. Watch out for these trolls. Yea, they're that good. Though its almost impossible to spot them until its too late, cutting ties and running for your life after you recognize them is probably the best way to rid yourself of this type of troll.

Internet Trolls: These trolls like to hang out in cyber space. Forums, online dating sites, social networking sites among others are their favorite hunting grounds. Like the camelion trolls, they are difficult to detect, but internet trolls show their true colors faster, and they are easier to get rid of. Watch who you give your phone number to (they like to obsessively call and text if a computer is not available as they are usually not smartphone users). These trolls are the best at getting the hint. If they initiate contact via electronic means and you ignore them, they will eventually move along and leave you alone. If you get one that's resilient, blocking, reporting, or canceling usually works. 

Commerce Trolls: These trolls are commonly found in the customer service industries. They directly interact with people and are usually rude, uncaring, clueless, and opinionated. The best force against this species? Demand to speak with a manager/supervisor. Works like a charm every time. There is no real way to avoid commerce trolls, but going above them to get things resolved, make a complaint, and/or vent takes a chunk out of their ego.

Now, I couldn't introduce you to the world of trolls without making recommendations on how to protect yourself. Below are a few tips to combat, and raise above, trolls:

1.) NEVER stoop to their level. In fact, when you take the high road in a situation, (not arguing, staying quiet, or my favorite, witty one liners with sarcastic undertones) it usually pisses them off even more than stooping to their level.  Instant gratification for you, and you never had to succumb to their trollness. NOTE: If you're not careful, they WILL drop you down to their level and beat you with experience.

2.) Remember a troll's hatred, jealousy, judgments, etc. towards you is only a reflection of their inadequacies, insecurities, and inner demons they have (which they are unwilling to face). It has nothing to do with you, your words or your actions. Just let it go. NOTE: Think (or say): I'm rubber and your glue. What ever you say, bounces off me and sticks to you.

3.) The old saying "kill 'em with kindness"? Yea, so true. Not only will it drive them insane wondering why you are being so nice to them, it will cause "watch your back" syndrome as they know revenge is a dish best served cold. NOTE: Not that I am condoning revenge, karma will prevail, but they don't know that you're not going to try something <evil grin>

4.) Find new friends, rekindle old friendships, or try new things in a group setting. When you're happy, it opens the door for more happiness to flow in. Like attracts like, what you do returns to you 10 fold, bla, bla, bla.  NOTE: If you are prone to see/run into said trolls occasionally, exude happiness, joy, love, fun, etc. Its like rubbing it in, without actually rubbing it in. Perception here, people!

May your journey be troll free!